Fail

uhh hey, i am in bolivia at my apartment where i am staying for a couple months. it is a pretty nice apartment i´ve got my room and my own bathroom. my shower leaks though all over the floor. it has like a glass door to it and i stick all these towels around the bottom of the shower so too much water won´t get everywhere. there is a internet cafe in this apartment building and theres also internet cafes all over the city. they cost money though. i´m trying to learn a little spanish but it is difficult. especially when everyone is talking really fast i cant understand that. the first night i was here i went with my family to this comedy show where people were making fun of the people that are running for president here, because the bolivian election is coming up soon. i guess on that day the city basically stops running. i´ve been eating some sweet food, you can go to good restaurants and buy good food for like 2 bucks here. man people don´t through the TP in the toilets here. i didn´t know that until like a few days after i had been here. i guess it can plug up on the streets and run back into the house or something. but, i live on the third floor so if i jammed up the plumbing the people downstairs would get it. the first few days before i learned that you are supposed to put it in the garbage, the maid came by and emptied my trash but there was never anything in it. she must have thought i had nasty constipation. in my family my fathers name is Mario. He is a nice guy, he´s a guynacologist doctor and doesn´t know english. my mothers name is Ceci, she knows a little english. My brothers name is Mario Andres but his nickname is Chito. He is 17 and in highschool, he knows english pretty good. My sister Elyanan is 21 she knows english well and goes to university and lives at home. she is studying to be a doctor as well. my spanish teacher is Toni(a lady) and she´s pretty cool too. actually on monday i am going to start going to a different tutor, her name is Blanca. Im not real sure where she lives though. My team members who all live with different families are pretty cool, some are with christian families, others are not. my family is christian. some are with like single guys and stuff too. there are 3 guys and 6 girls that went to bolivia with me. it was my first time flying, it was pretty fun. havn´t gotten a window seat yet though, that kinda sucks. after we had an orientation in orlando florida we drove to the international airport in miami. our flight was delayed because of a bolivian airport strike. so, we stayed in a hotel in miami until the next day. us guys wanted to try to go to the beach but none of the girls wanted to and it was kinda late anyway. but, the last day that we were in orlando our team went to Coco beach and it was fun, the waves there are really cool. We started making this sand castle but the tide was coming in so it got wrecked before we could finish it. we all got real bad sunburns and ended up having like a major alovira fest and used like an entire bottle. i should have gotten someone else to put the sunscreen on my back because the burn was like, only where i couldn´t reach on my back. most everyone else had sunburns where i had sunburn patches. i also forgot to put sunscreen on my feet, ahh the burnage, but they are fine now. actually my feet didnt peel but my back is peeling. im talking like sheets of skin. and not just the first layer like three layers deep. its pretty funny, but umm, if you go to florida watch the sun it is nasty. I started writing a journal but that quickly faded. i also have only taken 10 pictures so far. actually today i took my first and only picture of bolivia, i took one of out my bedroom window. so yah i gotta definatly start taking some more pictures. everyone in my family has left tonight.. except odie the dog. shes a pretty cool dog, she is quite small and white and shaggy. tomorrow i guess a bunch of people set up a big market or something just down the street from me. i havn´t seen it yet because it only happens on saturdays and tomorrow will be my first saturday. monday was dia de la madre. (mothers day) We went to Ceci´s mothers house and ate some great food. i havn´t tried too much weird food yet. i went to the grocery store with my friend linda today and we saw some like intestines and hearts and toungs and some other unidentiful type stuff. the bread here is pretty tasty it is mainly like rolls and stuff but they are much grispier on the outside, it is good. i like big airports. you take a shuttle bus from one part to another. i thought it might be hard to find the way around but everything is marked really well. we played hacky sack at the airport. on the airplane i talked a little bit to a guy from argentina. he talked spanish and i talked english though so i couldnt say too much, i brought out my english - spanish dictionary and communicated a little. it is cool how in florida there are like orange trees that just kind of ramdomly grow. it´s like.. did you plant that there? the driving here in bolivia is pretty crazy. the first time i drove here i just started laughing and everyone was like what? what? its cool there arnt really any rules but people sorta know how the system works so there arnt too many accidents. cars last a long time here too, probably becuase they dont drive them fast and also because there isnt road salt here. the taxis beep there horns all the time to let people know they are there. theres a lot of troffies here too (busses). i ate at burger king today (dont ask why im stupid) and this kid came up to the window selling candy. i guess he probably isnt allowed to come inside and sell it. anyways, i bought a pack from him, didn´t eat them though, because after i bought them i realized they were those hard, really bad flavored kind of candies. anyway, i´d better go do something productive like watch some english(with spanish caption at the bottom) TV.

Today there was a Chemistry Test on molar enthalpy stuff. Suprisingly I may have preformed well. But as i sat tonite at my grad dinner, as i layed out on my lawn, and as i ran around inside my brain. I pondered and thought and wondered and stopped. " where is everything going to?" I have come to realize, not too many people know what sort of a person i am. Too often i hold everything inside, i hold everything back. I am serious, I am reserved, and set back. I stand back and observe. I question, even when I do some what understand. Some how everything is being lost in still frames and the wind. The best representation of my self is a "sail boat" . maybe a little one on a string or a massive one back in the 19th century. My body floats with the tide, rocks with the storm. sways with each passing wall of a wave. Everything is in the boat. But once a rips the sides an planks from the body. The boat will become shipwrecked an land on shore for those on the beach to see what furnished the boat that once sailed all around. If the one on the string the cord is holding me back and needs to be burnt to have full release of the direction and distance of the boat. half of my lifetime has been spent sleeping, well maybe a quater of mine. The rest of the time i am in a daze from not having enough sleep. poetry is good, songs are even beter, but a memory lasts longest when very good or bad. Never forget the good.

today is a good day. I learned how that the numbers and letters aren't just that on paper. They mean something while placed in a certain series and order. I made a call. and my work for the summer is confirmed. now i just need to wait till i get my itinerary and plane tickets. I should call that girl an see whats going on. To my homework now that i understand it.

Well I guess this will be my last post in the blog for a while as I am off to umm.. umm.. where is it i'm off to again? oh Bolivia early tomorrow. uhhh, yah so in 2 months i'll let you know if I caught any foriegn deseases or met any senoritas or whatever. see ya

well it is saturday. today should be alright i think. but you know how it is, if the day starts out ok it always ends up crummy. oh well, maybe my theory will be wrong today, i'll let you know tonight. anyway, jordan is hitchhiking here today so who knows when he will arrive.

Yah I did write something but made a mistake posting it. Anyway, it said how when speaking about a day the word "next" always gets confused. Like say it was monday and I said next Saturday. Well most likely they mean not the saturday coming up but the one after that. But they don't always mean that so it sometimes gets things mixed up. There should be a different term for "this" and "next" when refering to a day. Anyway, I got my passport yesterday. Today I went and got some more needles. I took them like a man this time. You know what sucked though, after i got them the lady asked if i was alright. i tried to act manly and was like, oh yeah i'm fine. and then you know what she said.. she said, 'it's nothing to get embarassed about.' urgh.

I randomly clicked on someone's blog today and this was a post at the top. I found it funny for some reason. - "I was looking in my history for Blogger when I stumbled across www.boobs.com. Using my Mom super powers I said "Brandon, why did you go to www.boobs.com"? He replied "I don't know". I suppose it must have been an accident."

I was doing some hardcore shopping yesterday at the dollar store and read over some of the birthday cards and other cards they had there. you know, i think people should write their own cards, they would mean more that way and besides, the stuff in them wouldn't be hard to think up at all. i'm going to fredericton today hopefully my passport will be ready.

girls get upset when anything happens to them but they don't seem to care to much when they do something to hurt. some girls want an experience and others just want to be treated well. finding that out is the sucky part. girls get an idea of what we are like. and then end up disapointed. i think sometimes the only motive is so someone can know that they can be likeable. and if thats the only motive, the mind games are very easy to play.
is love a challenge? is it to find out what we don't know about ourselves? or is it getting to know and trusting someone? someone can either love themselves, or love someone else. *is there a need for love before true love?* on a different note, i went biking today down this trail that turned out to be pretty good. then i came out onto a dirt road. you know, all dirt roads look just about the same. i did find this one cool place with a cliff and a big water hole below. the flys were bad today.

To know what to do is difficult. To plan what you know to do is harder. And to actually do something is nearlly impossible, but when done an done succesfully is something to be proud of.

a fight is brewing between laziness and achieving things. let the games begin "nick do something with yourself." ... "would you leave me alone!"

some things in the dark have startled me. dogs, bats, ducks, beavers, cats, bugs. i remember a couple years ago the june bugs were bad and i was outside at night and a big june bug flew into my face. that happened to me twice. ever make wishes on the stars? well that don't work. ever make wishes on your birthday candles? that don't work either. ever make a wish on a wish chip or a wish bone? those things don't work. the only thing that works is making a wish at 11:11. my word of advice tonight is this.. if you have to sneeze, stare at a bright light. anyway, ever wonder if the earth was flat, what would happen when you got to the side of it. my imagination pictures a big dropoff and below is just stars. even if it is day you can still see the stars. and if you jump off the side you will never stop falling. you know what i think.. i think that the north is actually the south, and vise versa. (vise versa.. what a dumb word) anyway, i think this because our eyes are like lenses. so when the light goes through the pupil the image is upside down on the back of our eye. well people say that supposedly our brain flips the image so we see it right side up but i say it stays upside down and what we think is up, is down. can my theory be true do you think or no?

Sometimes I put myself down. And then I put myself down for putting myself down. And then someone tells me to suck it up princess and I am fine.

I went biking up in the woods today but someone had lit a lot of fires and the smoke was very strong, i had to come back. i was going to take some pictures but i guess that idea went up in smoke (it really did). sleeping is weird because we usually don't remember it. maybe your mind couldn't think up anything exciting and you had the most boring dream of your life but then when you woke up you couldn't remember being bored, so it was just like it never happened. I hope my dreams arn't too boring. goodnight.. tomorrow is a bad day i can feel it.

man, i've told you before a four wheeler can be used more than a snowmobile. those razors better have come in a package because if you are buying used razors then.. well.. i would laugh at you. i went for a walk tonight and met this guy who was also walking, so i walked with him for a bit. on the way home, in the distance the clouds were very dark and there was a lot of lightning going on. it was pretty sweet. then this dog came over and walked a ways with me. in the clouds i saw this really strong guy with a lot of facial hair pulling something behind him. I am not sure what it was though, maybe a big net full of fish or something. then in front of him was a male lion, but he was just lying down, taking it easy. then a ways away from the strong guy and the lion there was a rhinosaurous with a woman laying on his back. nothing else really seemed to look like anything. anyway, did you ever wonder about how so many things have been invented. You know people put so much time into inventing something to make our lives easier, but basically we give them no credit. I mean, you know who edison and people like that are, but you don't really think about them much. ear wax has a sucky odor to it but people smell their own earwax. kinda of like to see how much you got picked out or something maybe. i do clean my ears (shut up man i seriously do)

Today I thumbed into the city. I acomplished three useful things today. I bought a army cot, which will make me nice an comfy when i sleep in the woods.( i got a tie as a bonus, last time when i needed one there wasn't any there.) I was going to go visit D &/or T but they weren't there so I went to the stolen goods store( pawn shop) on the corner and bought some mach 3's for $10.00 what a discount($7.00). I still don't admit to knowing where the stuff comes from; why i pay in cash an recieve no receipt. I found a bryan adams record there too, but upon putting it in the record player at home realized the needle was missing. The last thing was as I went to leave the building of D&T's I met up with a friend who offered to take me half way home, but then we decided we would get my sled first. So we hung out at his place for a little while. We nearly flipped on his fourwheeler when we went down the road by some water. we went into the water half way up the tires when he remember that the shifters on this fourwheeler were by the peg so he reached in the water an shifted with his hand. The snowmobile now sits in my garage an i finally started it after many pulls on the cord. It stills sounds as powerful as the I first started it. It's in beter shape then i thought it would be. I will probably sell it come winter time. I now realize there is more use to be had in a fourwheeler. If we get bundles of snow, which i highly doubt then, maybe i would keep it, but maybe not.

i went and got some needles today for traveling to poor countries. four different ones, next thursday i go to get two more. man i didn't realize how much i really hate needles. i felt right sick after i got them. i guess my nerves arn't good when it comes to someone injecting things into me. what a sissy i am. jordan said i wouldn't be a good drug user. anyway, i read this book brother brought home from school, it was really really dumb i can't believe i read it all. what is with people saying television is bad but reading a book will make you so smart. that's not true. television can either educate you or waste your time, and books are the same way. books like that one i just read are more stupid than most television shows. i think the author was trying to imply through the story that you need to have a balance between a healthy body and also use your brain, not just one or the other. it was a dumb story. umm... man don't you hate that when someone steals your credit for something. you say something funny and only one other person hears you and then they scream it out to everyone and everyone laughs.

well today was my last day with salmon (hopefully anyway, i will probably end up back there knowing my luck). anyway, they had a cake and signed a card that was cool. i went for a walk tonight and heard lots of noises coming out of creatures down by the river. also some dogs barked and the falls were loud. i sold my old boots for ten bucks and a spanish english dictionary which he forgot to bring. goodnight. bon noches.

tomorrow is my last day of work. Ü big smile

hmm that is weird we talked about lies at church today, after i wrote the post yesterday about lies. anyway, I wonder if it is a good thing to do more than you have to. like if giving more accomplishes more than yes, give all you can. but if you only need to get to a certain level, why go above it? i think sometimes if we set ourselves out at a certain level, we feel we have to maintain that level. the thing is though, the better we do, that is where our expectation for ourselves is set. if we get 60 the first day, and the second day we get 70. then the third day we want to get at least 70. and if we get 80 the third day the fourth day we feel we will need at least 80. our standards just keep rising. so i think for many things we should not push to do better. two people live differently. one shouldn't nessisarily tell the other person they are wrong because maybe the other person likes the way they are doing things just fine. it all comes down to we want other people to be like us. if we are afraid of something, we want everyone else to be afraid of it. if there is a problem in our life, we would feel good if everyone else had the same problem. don't tell someone not to do something because you are afriad to do it yourself, and you don't like to see someone else not be afriad to do it. we make our own little comfort zone and it makes us jealous and angry when we see someone elses comfort zone encompases more things than ours. you be as safe as you want, but someone else might rather follow their heart than their head.

white lies will end up doing damage. don't believe white lies or you are gullible and you will end up worse than where you started from. insults and compliments can have the same effect, either good or bad. if somebody tells you that you have a million dollars that is great. but only if you do have a million dollars, otherwise the statement will either do nothing, or if you believe them it can cause damage. if you expect a lot from something you will have to get a lot to be satisfied. if you expect nothing, or little, most anything will please you. what you expect sometimes comes from others telling you what to expect. and if they tell you to expect more than you should, well, you might be disapointed. don't say something good if it is not ture, who knows someone might believe you. happy birthday dan.

I don't understand why people argue with me. I don't argue unless i am right.

it is sucky when someone is mad at you. it is like.. ummmm, sorry? yeah i think i have forgotten to breath before. i remember this one night a while ago when i kept waking up and it was like i had stopped breathing in my sleep and my body had to wake up so i would notice. i don't think i actually stopped breathing but that is what i thought for some reason. don't you hate that when you can't sleep though. last night i couldn't sleep. i went biking this morning it was good i went along, through some puddles, discovering trails. i went down this one trail through a field and it was just like going through snow because the earth was sinky like. i also peed twice. once in a brook that stopped me from continuing down a trail and also in a big puddle. i also built an inukshuk so the people would know i was there. it is funny sometimes when you really find out why you do something. like what was your motive behind something. to get chicks or whatever, sometimes you don't even realize yourself until something happens and it becomes clear to you. it is always good to look at why you are doing something. anyway you know what is dumb. if a guy has two girl friends at once he is considered a jerk. if a girl is doing the two timing she is considered indecisive. oh well, i can't even get one lady. maybe if i used my brain, or had one. tomorrow i am going to write something real interesting remember to check it out, but i can't tell you right now i am saving it for tomorrow.

I go to school to learn. I forget everyday, and i daydream or am half asleep. I am luck to know twentyfive percent of what i am taught an probably won't remember that. Neutral is a mindset not just a gear. Everyday is an adventure i dream more during the day then while i sleep, maybe i never do sleep. I can't even remember what i was trying to convey, of course there is always tommorow to try again. How can i ever understand whats important if i dont even understand where i am an whats going on ? Today,is air , vapour.... thoughts not put on paper but lost in the cracks and corners of my brain. someday something should make sense, but for now i will go outside for fresh new air from the plants. If i ever forget to breath i hope i remember quickly.