Fail

It's been a while.

Its been almost a year since I last wrote something down on here. As I read a few of the quick previous entries of mine I realized that when you look back on a particular moment in time, that moment seems more simple then your present circumstances. I stop occaisonally and wonder if later on in life I am going to regret an worry that I hadn't done the things that I had ought to have done to provide my self with a more fulfilling life. Well there are so many decisions to make, paths to venture down, adventure's to embark on or to not to embark on, many times I speak when I should reamain silent, while others I remain silent when I should speak. I don't think I fight harder enough or try hard enough for what I want or want to attain. Maybe already I am possibly feeling guilt, not in the eyes of others but to myself, within myself. Like a struggle of control or maybe just a lack of strongly reinforced goals and planned completion dates for those goals. Some plans are difficult to carry out or to even begin... ...fresh start, first impressions, not all goals are time controlable some I must wait patiently for, some I must search for, and others will be stumbled upon...

i realized over the past week the more resources you have the easier it is to waste them, time and money are the most prominent examples. The more you have of either, the more you find ways to use and fill it. keeping focused on it helps me to more easily recognize where my focus is being distracted towards. What i choose to invest time, money and energy into must be important to me, and if not, I have allowed to sit in that position of importance. sometimes i need to sit down think and evaluate what my goals are for that said week what do i hope to accomplish, how is this going to benifit me and those people around me. i have been trying to connect in with more positive influences, as well as trying to be a positive influence. Sometimes the first part is not always possible, and the second part can get out of sorts as well.

went to Denny's today with a couple of the boys, had the LumberJack Slam, couldn't eat all the pancakes, those three plates of food are hard to conquer, even on an empty stomache, i finally got my computer fixed a couple of days ago, a couple of the ram slots are no good, so i am only running on one stick, it doesn't seem any slower, the mess up ram slots were probably causing all the errors an random restarts that led me to formating and messing around with the bios, the final result is that maybe i should get a new mother board with a processor and ram, but thats money and not something i am completely concerned about having running at top notch,
i would sooner spend that money elsewhere an just push the computer on until it eventually fizzles. after church today , i stopped at the supermarket for some fresh produce, i want to start putting more nutritous vitamins into myself via eating vegetables and fruit. Its disappointed how the snow melts so quickly after falling lately, a few months back the temperatures were more extreme cold, now when its in the light minuses, I feel comfortable without a coat for short periods of time , i went to park my veichle at a parking garage today i quickly read the sign "free parking first hour", when i went to leave there was no push button to open the gate to leave and i had no change on me, when there is no attendent during evenings and weekends its a flat rate of $2 to get out, so i push the emergency the gate wont open up and it dialed up a receptionist who was in bad mood and i tried to explain to her i had no money, but she wasn't reasonable i tried to go out the in way but the gate wouldn't open, i want it to ram it, but instead we had to waste time going to several store to find a store that would break down a twenty, i guess next time i wont be parking in this so called advertised first hour is free parking, alls i needed to do was cash a second party check, whick takes two minutes or less, next time i park in the bus stop zone as per usual. maybe i should have fully read the sign. but all in all that was a focal point of frustration for my day. tommorow is valentines day things wont be too busy at work this week the usual run tommorow morning. I sometime wonder how much good a brita water flilter pitcher is, what does it filter, i know it taste different but does it still leave some bad stuff in the water.

went to some meeting earlier tonight where the public gave their opinions on national security, it was someone interesting. I definately think there should be more money put into the military but i would say it's a bad idea to put money into the misile defense thing. and that is all i have to say.
that spyware stuff frustrates me.